The Death of Amy Winehouse: I Reminisce

I wanted to write this post for so long but I decided to wait until a year has passed, when all my emotions were in order. I'm still not sure what I want to say but I'm just going to let it flow. There is a lot of articles marking the one year anniversary of her death but nothing from her fans, the people who were there when she hit her highs and lows. I was one of those fans who defended her even when I knew what she was doing was wrong. But why would I defend and mourn someone whom I never met?

It all started in 2007.

I was watching the MTV Movie Awards and I was rolling my eyes throughout the whole thing and wondering why I was I even watching it. I was looking for my remote when someone announced a singer named Amy Winehouse singing "Rehab". I was about to leave my room but then she started singing. I never really heard anything like her voice before. And her style and the way she performed was really unique to me.

MTV Movie Awards 2007

When I went to school everyone was talking about her. There were some people making fun of the song Rehab, but nobody else was mentioned that day. When I got home I must of listened to Rehab over thirty times before my mother asked what the hell was wrong with me.

Since then I got every song by Amy Winehouse that I could get my hands on. Even if she was featured on the song, I got it. I listened to her music but I didn't understand her lyrics fully until....

2009. My first real heartbreak.

I told myself I would never cry over a man. and I was crying over a boy no less. I used to wonder why Amy didn't let go of Blake but now I know you never can truly get over your first love. I stayed in my bed and cried all throughout spring break. I didn't go to classes and ultimately failed them. And the weight I gained, ugh, I don't want to mention it. No one could help me with what I was going through because I was so cocooned in my emotions. 

When I listened to the song "Back to Black", I just wanted to hear Amy's voice for the reminder of my life. I had an IPod now, so I would lay on my bed and just listen to what she was actually saying. Amy wrote her songs so she experienced every emotion she sung. And I felt what she was singing and it made me feel like I wasn't alone and that I could move on from this. Whenever I felt like I wanted to get back in bed and cry I would softly sing "Tears Dry On Their Own". Before I knew it, I didn't have to sing that song to get up every morning. 

It was at that point I became an Amy Winehouse stan. 

During my recovery from depression and suicidal thoughts, I listened to more jazz singers and soul artists. I collected and listened to more Etta James, Aretha Franklin and other artists from that time era. Before Amy, I only listened to Britney Spears or Beyonce kind of music. This is where I became more of a fan of soul music. But just because things were better in my life, doesn't mean things were fine with Amy. 

Drugs, Alcohol and more Drugs.

Every headline I read about her featured her in drunken or drugged out state. People were saying she looked too skinny and sick. She was being judged at every moment and I felt that people didn't care about her problems. They just wanted her to do another album, another performance. Sure her label let her go on vacations to the islands but it was like "Hurry up and get better so you can make us more money". I wanted to just be in her circle and be there for her. But deep down I knew that all good things must come to an end. 

I don't remember how I found out about her death. It had to be online because I'm addicted to my computer. People were texting me asking if I was okay because they knew how much I worshiped her. My family members were afraid to approach me. This time when I blasted her music, no one complained.

I went on Facebook and of course there were the statuses saying "Well she should of went to Rehab" (oh how original) and other dumb jokes. But when I put up my status about how she changed me for the better and how unlike them, she will always be remembered, they had no choice but to like my status.

Say what you want but she changed my life and I wish I could of helped her the way she helped me. She just wanted to be loved....

The Amy Winehouse Foundation has been set up in Amy's memory to support charitable activities in both the UK and abroad that provide help, support or care for young people, especially those who are in need by reason of ill health, disability, financial disadvantage or addiction. http://www.amywinehousefoundation.org