RHOA Season Five Premiere

Kim is missing because I think she leaves mid-season and gets replaced

I had to watch RHOA an hour later because I was watching Revenge (which is a great show on ABC, everyone should get on that) but whoa when I saw that season premiere, I had to watch it again because I was so entertained! Let me discuss each "housewife" ( I use quotation marks because some of these women aren't even housewives, just rich women who live in Atlanta who get involved in drama.)

So Kandi is seriously dating Todd, a cameraman who was filming the show in Africa. There is so much gossip on the blogs about their relationship. They say Kandi is a suga mama (which I believe and i think she kinda confirmed it on twitter), they say Todd is still seeing his ex, they say Todd is using her for her money and once he has enough he will dump her. They even got text messages from his ex saying how Kandi disgust him.

But if you didn't read the blogs or hear the rumors, you would be so happy for Kandi.

They even talk about children and marriage. Kandi mentions she wants to have her son and name him Kash (which is Kim's new baby's name hmmmmm). She also makes a quip about thats how THEY bought the new house. In cash. Girl you mean how you bought that new house in cash. Kandi bought a new house which is right around the corner from the mayor and it is huge! It will take a lot of time to redecorate though.

Now I seriously love Phaedra Parks. She is my spirit animal and my inspiration. But she is crazy. She is on her way to getting her mortuary license or whatever but now she wants to have funerals for people and their pets. But I think she has to stop worrying about the dead and worry about the living aka Kenya Moore. Kenya is the new housewife and according to the previews she has her eyes set on Apollo. Even though Kenya got a man!

Yes girl, everyone knows but calm down

I have to get to Kenya later, she's the one everyone is talking about. Calling her "the new Nene".

Speaking of Nene, she is truly living her rich bitch lifestyle. She has men, including her ex, wanting her, on a new show and is besties with Ryan Murphy!

I was truly jealous of her during this scene

I'm so proud of Nene Leakes. She went from a stripper to a tv star. The American Dream really. I don't think Nene will be that exciting this season because she has that scripted tv money to make and can't ruin that by acting the fool like usual.

Kim is up to her usual craziness though. She's pregnant again (she just can't keep her legs closed to marry men hahaha get it?) and is facing eviction drama. It's going to cost her 100,000 dollars to move and she has two weeks to pack her shit and leave. Meanwhile her, Kroy and Sweetie are sitting there looking slow. But at the end of the day Kim is like they have 90 days to evict me! She just loves the drama...and her wigs.

Love the finger motion

Now lets get to Cynthia who might just come out her shell this season. She stood up to her sexy ex Leon about keeping her daughter home schooled (and lost) but she will not lose to Kenya Moore. She didn't say it to Kenya's face but in the heart to heart with the camera, she let us know she is not settling for her mess. Cynthia was highly annoyed with Kenya during the Jet Magazine model search and she gave me my life repeating the line of the episode.

I'm still saying this in my head

Now lets take a deep breath and talk about Kenya Moore. Ninety percent of everyone who watched the premiere is scared of this chick. She's the type of person who has to open her mouth at every single opportunity. Not only is she kinda crazy but she is very loud! She violated on most of the models who walked the catwalk. The girl who accidentally had her crack out was called out immediately and will forever be embarrassed. Kenya said she saw ass crack, coochie crack (camel toe) and too much hair. EMBARRASSING. She called security on someone who works at Cynthia's Model Agency and she has to mention her credentials every ten minutes (Miss USA, model, actress, producer director, CEO, blah blah blah). I can't wait for the drama she will bring this season. She's like a mix of Sheree (who we will miss because she had the BEST arguments) and Nene (who is not afraid to get loud). I don't think I will review every episode but I will tweet about at 10 pm Eastern Time every Sunday. Follow me on twitter: MzAsilij.

Now for some last words from the new HBIC.